The Myth of First Impressions

Let’s get this out of the way:
I’m not telling you to show up to your job interview like Dale and Brennan from Stepbrothers.
You know tuxedos, fart jokes, drum sets.
No, no, no.
There’s still such a thing as self-respect.
You want to bring your best foot forward.

But let’s not pretend first impressions are everything. You can’t judge a book by its cover right??

We’re obsessed with this idea.
“First impressions are everything!”
“Make or break!”
“Own the room!”
Yeah, okay, relax.

Here’s the real deal:
First impressions are a tiny slice of the story.
A Polaroid.
Not the full album.
People are walking, talking histories.
They carry their past, their mood, their health, their scars.
You see maybe 2% of that when you meet them.

Let’s break it down.

Behavioral Science says:
We take shortcuts.
Heuristics, biases, assumptions….. our brains eat that up.
Why?
Because thinking burns calories.
Because slowing down takes effort.
So we rely on fast judgments.
But fast doesn’t mean accurate.
Fast means easy.
And easy usually misses nuance.

Mental Health says:
Not everyone presents the same under pressure.
Social anxiety?
They might avoid eye contact.
Trauma?
They might shut down.
Neurodivergence?
They might not read the social script you’re following.
So you think, “Cold. Rude. Disconnected.”
But really, they’re fighting a battle you can’t see.

Social Climate says:
We live in a world of mixed signals.
Cultures clash.
Norms collide.
Some cultures bow.
Some shake hands.
Some hug.
Some stand back.
You judge someone’s “first impression” but are you judging by your standard or theirs?
Are you even aware you’re doing it?

Flip to the other side:
Your first impression isn’t the full you either.
You might be tired.
Nervous.
Over-caffeinated.
Under-prepared.
Maybe you’re trying too hard to impress.
Maybe you’re hiding a part of yourself because you’re scared it won’t be accepted.
That’s not fake, that’s human.

Here’s the big truth bomb:
The real stuff takes time.
Trust? Built over moments, not minutes.
Character? Revealed in consistency, not first glances.
Connection? Earned through effort, not just charm.

The charismatic con artist can blow you away in a first meeting.
The quiet genius might fade into the background.
So why are we putting so much weight on hello?

Yeah, show up polished.
Yeah, be respectful.
Yeah, know your audience.
But also hold space.
Let people unfold.
Let yourself unfold.

Here’s the takeaway:

• Judge less.

• Observe more.

• Be curious, not just critical.

• Understand factors of mental health, background, culture, mood, timing that shape what you’re seeing.

• Give people (and yourself) time to reveal what’s real.

Want to play the long game?
Focus less on first impressions, more on lasting impressions.
That’s where the good stuff lives.